UPHOLDING THE TIES OF KINSHIP – FAMILY BOND

Ṣilat al-raḥim, which means "the ties of the womb," emphasizes the importance of maintaining family relationships in Islam. This moral principle is considered one of the greatest good deeds, leading to significant rewards. The Quran and hadith emphasize the need to maintain family ties, warning against the negative consequences for those who cut them off.

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Obligation to maintain family ties

Upholding the ties of kinship is an obligation [Fardh - فرض] upon every Muslim. The concept of family in Arabic comes from the word ar-rahim [الرَّحمُ] which translates as quite literally the womb. You call the womb of a woman al-rahim. The deeper connotation in this expression is the connotation of family or kinship, because obviously all members of the family go back to one person or one couple, and every group of cousins eventually go back to that same person as well.

Importanza di Ṣilat al-raḥim

Ṣilat al-raḥim [صِلَةُ الرَّحم] ⁠ - ⁠literally the Womb-Ties, means associating and meeting with the relatives and helping them. Family bond is among the moral teachings of Islam, and it is one of the greatest good deeds that an individual can do, as it generates many rewards. Islam calls for the upholding of the ties of kinship because of the great effect that this has on achieving social cohesion and perpetuating cooperation and love among the people. Connecting your ties of Kinship is a reason for being successful, for gaining relationship with Allāh, for Allāh’s repentance to be upon you, for forgiveness of sin, and for protecting you from Hellfire.

Family ties in the Quran and Hadith

The Qurʾān and hadith emphasize so much on Silat al-rahim, that the Qurʾān considers those who abandon it among the losers and the cursed. The prophet ﷺ in many of his sayings urged people to take care of genealogy, as it brings blessings in terms of wealth and lifespan and is a cause of affection. In hadiths, Silat al-rahim is mentioned as the best action after faith, the first action speaking on the Day of Judgement, the best attribute of the faithful, and the best factor for prolonging life.

On the authority of Abū Hurayra, it was reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “Learn from your genealogies what will help you maintain your kinship ties, for maintaining kinship ties brings love to one’s family, increases wealth, and prolongs life.”

عن أبي هريرة عن النبي ﷺ قال: “تعلَّموا من أنسابكم ما تصلون به أرحامكم، فإن صلة الرحم محبة في الأهل، مَثْرَاة في المال، مَنْسَأة في الأثر”
[al-Tirmidhī]

In another narration, the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said: “Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.” [al-Bukhārī & Muslim].

“O mankind, fear your Lord [have taqwá of Allāh], who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allāh through whom you ask one another [you demand your mutual rights], and the wombs. Indeed, Allāh is ever, over you, an Observer”.

َا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاءً ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا
[Qurʾān: An-Nisāʾ 1]

We are directed in this verse to have taqwá [تقوى] of Allāh in whose name we ask things for and have taqwá of al-arhām. Scholars say this verse can be understood in one of the two ways:

• Allāh is saying have taqwá of Allāh in whose name you ask people to give you things, meaning I ask you by Allāh to help me, and in the name of the family you ask people to help you. You go to your brother, your cousin for the sake of the family and you say we are brother, we are cousin, for the sake of our family I need you to help me. So, Allāh is reminding that the family unit takes care of each other.

• Rights of Allah and the Family: The second interpretation emphasizes the need to be aware of both the rights of Allah and those of the family. This implies that, in addition to fearing Allah, we must also respect and honor family ties.
• Another interpretation, be conscious of the rights of Allāh and be conscious of the rights of the family. Have taqwá of Allāh and have taqwá of the rights of the family and both of these interpretations are valid in the Qurʾān and what they imply that the family has a high privilege second to Allāh ﷺ

A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, I have committed a sin, and he did not disclose it. The prophet ﷺ told him, do you have a mother? And the man said no, then the prophet said, do you have an aunt, sister of your mother and the man said yes. So, the prophet told him to be dutiful to her. And from this prophet’s recommendation we understand that in order to be forgiven and attain Allāh’s repentance you must connect to your kinship, and this is one of the means of forgiveness.

Not only that, connecting to the ties of kinship is an act of worship and obedience leading to Jannah. The Prophet ﷺ advised a man to worship Allāh alone, perform prayers, pay Zakāt and maintain family ties in order to enter Paradise and avoid Hellfire.

Abū Ayyūb Khālid ibn Zayd al-Anṣārī [May Allāh be pleased with him] reported: A man came to Messenger of Allāh ﷺ and said, "Direct me to a deed which will admit me to Jannah and take me away from the Fire". The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said, "Worship Allāh and associate no partner with Him, perform As-Ṣalāt, give Zakāt The Poor Due, and maintain the ties of Kinship".

وعن أبي أيوب خالد بن زيد الأنصاري رضي الله عنه أن رجلاً قال‏:‏ يا رسول الله أخبرني بعمل يدخلني الجنة، ويباعدني من النار‏.‏ فقال النبي ﷺ‏:‏ ‏ “‏تعبد الله، ولأتشرق به شيئًا، وتقيم الصلاة، وتؤتي الزكاة، وتصل الرحم‏”‏ ‏ ‏
[al-Bukhārī and Muslim]

The true nature of al-Wāsil

And who is al-Wāsil [الوَاصِلُ]?

The one who maintains relationship with his relatives, only because they maintain relationship with him or her, is not truly upholding the ties of relationship, that is just kindness [ʾiḥsān احْسَان]. The one who truly upholds the ties, is the one who does so even if they break the relationship.

ʿAbd Allāh ibn ʿUmar narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said, ‘Al-Wāsil is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but al-Wāsil is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him."

عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ ﷺ قَالَ ‏ “‏ لَيْسَ الْوَاصِلُ بِالْمُكَافِئِ، وَلَكِنِ الْوَاصِلُ الَّذِي إِذَا قَطَعَتْ رَحِمُهُ وَصَلَهَا ‏”‏‏.‏
[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī]

Narrated Abū Hurayra, "A man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, ' O Messenger of Allāh! I have relatives with whom I maintain ties while they cut me off. I am good to them while they are bad to me. They behave foolishly towards me while I am forbearing towards them.' The Prophet ﷺ said, 'If things are as you said, it is as if you were putting hot ashes on them, and you will not lack a supporter against them from Allāh as long as you continue to do that.'

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ‏:‏ أَتَى رَجُلٌ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِنَّ لِي قَرَابَةً أَصِلُهُمْ وَيَقْطَعُونَ، وَأُحْسِنُ إِلَيْهِمْ وَيُسِيئُونَ إِلَيَّ، وَيَجْهَلُونَ عَلَيَّ وَأَحْلُمُ عَنْهُمْ، قَالَ‏:‏ لَئِنْ كَانَ كَمَا تَقُولُ كَأَنَّمَا تُسِفُّهُمُ الْمَلَّ، وَلاَ يَزَالُ مَعَكَ مِنَ اللهِ ظَهِيرٌ عَلَيْهِمْ مَا دُمْتَ عَلَى ذَلِكَ‏
Ṣaḥīḥ [al-Albānī]

The people in your kinship that you are obliged to keep ties with, by consensus of the scholars, are the ones who are mahram, the family members with whom marriage would be considered permanently unlawful in Islam. That is; your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, and below – their children, and of course father and mother above [grandparents], and your paternal and maternal uncles and aunts.These people are definitely from the kinship that you should be connecting with all the time. Some scholars added the sons and daughters of the aunts and the sons and daughters of the uncles.

What qualifies the maintenance of family ties?

How we perform this ìbādā̀, or what qualifies as keeping Ties of Kinship varies depending on the person. We don’t have tangible timeframe or what to do or what to say in order to be among the category of those who connect or do not connect their kinship. So, it is up to the customs [ʿUrf]], up to the traditions, up to the norms of the society where they would consider this to be honoring your kinship or severing it. It depends on the relationship, on how people receive you. The way I connect with my parents, for example, is different from the way I connect with my siblings.

How we perform this ìbādā̀, or what qualifies as keeping Ties of Kinship varies depending on the person. We don’t have tangible timeframe or what to do or what to say in order to be among the category of those who connect or do not connect their kinship. So, it is up to the customs [ʿUrf], up to the traditions, up to the norms of the society where they would consider this to be honoring your kinship or severing it. It depends on the relationship, on how people receive you. The way I connect with my parents, for example, is different from the way I connect with my siblings.

Allāh ﷻ in the Qurʾān has told us to always be kind to your parents [even if you disagree]. The kinship tie generally is to feel all the time that your kith and kin are the most people who deserve your good treatment, care, and love. Be kind to them, communicate with them constantly. And the greatest kind of uniting the ties of kinship is caring for inviting relatives to the guidance and enjoining good and forbidding evil among them. This uniting to the ties of kinship continues whether the tie of kinship is righteous and straight or not. At the end of the day, this is an investment that you are doing in order to fulfill Allāh’s command to you and also to increase your provision, to increase your good deeds on the day of Judgment.

Allāh says in the holy Qurʾān: “But kindred by blood are nearer to one another regarding inheritance in the decree ordained by Allāh. Verily, Allāh is the All-Knower of everything”.

وَأُولُو الْأَرْحَامِ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلَىٰ بِبَعْضٍ فِي كِتَابِ اللَّهِ ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيمٌ
[Qurʾān Al-ʾanfāl :75]

Consequences of the break of ties.

Severing the bond of kinship is a major sin. Allāh in several verses of the Qurʾān has warned us against cutting the ties of kinship. Allāh did not give you the right to sever the ties of secret bond of brotherhood and sisterhood. One of the ultimate goals of Islam was to keep the family ties together. You cannot use your anger towards someone as a cause to cut ties with the family.

Make sure that you are asking Allāh ﷻ for good things, and that you are not trying to feed an unhealthy appetite or a sinful decision that you have made to sever the ties of kinship. Such is a condition of you asking Allāh that would cause your Duʿāʾ to be answered

“Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship!"‘.

فَهَلۡ عَسَیۡتُمۡ إِن تَوَلَّیۡتُمۡ أَن تُفۡسِدُوا۟ فِی ٱلۡأَرۡضِ وَتُقَطِّعُوۤا۟ أَرۡحَامَكُمۡ
[Qurʾān Muhammad: 22]

The first major punishment of the person who cuts the ties of kinship is that he will get the, the curse of Allāh, which means he will be deprived from the mercy of Allāh. What punishment could be worse than the curse and the evil home that awaits those who sever the ties of kinship? They deny themselves the reward for upholding the ties of kinship in the Hereafter, in addition to denying themselves much good in this world, which is a long life and ample provision.

‘“And those who break the Covenant of Allāh, after its ratification, and sever that which Allāh has commanded to be joined [i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives], and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse [i.e., they will be far away from Allāh’s Mercy]; And for them is the unhappy [evil] home [i.e., Hell].”‘.

وَٱلَّذِينَ يَنقُضُونَ عَهْدَ ٱللَّهِ مِنۢ بَعْدِ مِيثَـٰقِهِۦ وَيَقْطَعُونَ مَآ أَمَرَ ٱللَّهُ بِهِۦٓ أَن يُوصَلَ وَيُفْسِدُونَ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ۙ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمُ ٱللَّعْنَةُ وَلَهُمْ سُوٓءُ ٱلدَّارِ
[Qurʾān Ar-Ra’d: 25]

The importance of reconciliation and forgiveness.

It was narrated by Abū Hurayra [may Allāh be pleased with him] that the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said: ‘Allāh created the universe, and when He had finished, kinship [ar-Rahim] stood up and said, “This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off.” Allāh said, “Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?”. He said, “Of course.” Allāh said, “Then your prayer is granted.”’ . The Prophet ﷺ said, “Recite, if you wish [interpretation of the meaning]: ‘Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allāh has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.’

In another hadith ʿĀʾisha [may Allāh be pleased with her] reported that the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said: "Kinship [al-Rahim] is derived from Allāh. If anyone maintains ties of kinship, Allāh maintains ties with him. If anyone cuts them off, Allāh cuts him off."

عَنْ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا، أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ‏:‏ الرَّحِمُ شُجْنَةٌ مِنَ اللهِ، مَنْ وَصَلَهَا وَصَلَهُ اللَّهُ، وَمَنْ قَطَعَهَا قَطَعَهُ اللَّهُ‏.‏
[al-Bukhārī]

Whoever severs the ties of kinship, his acts will not be raised or accepted by Allāh. They will be put on hold until they [relatives] fix their relationship. His salat, his Qurʾān, his Umra, charity, etc., will be put on hold and he will be told, leave them [relatives] alone until they reconcile.

Abū Hurayra [may Allāh be pleased with him narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said: “The gates of Paradise are opened on Mondays and Thursdays, and Allāh the Almighty forgives every servant who does not associate anything with Allāh except the person in whose [heart] there is rancor against his brother. And it will be said: Look towards both of them until there is reconciliation; look toward both of them until there is reconciliation; look towards both of them until there is reconciliation”.

عن أبي هريرة أن رسول الله ﷺ قال: تفتح أبواب الجنة يوم الاثنين ويوم الخميس، فيغفر الله لكل عبد لا يشرك بالله شيئا إلا رجلا كانت بينه وبين أخيه شحناء، فيقال أنظروا هذين حتى يصطلحا، أنظروا هذين حتى يصطلحا، أنظروا هذين حتى يصطلحا. رواه مسلم.
[Muslim]

Nevertheless, there are some situations where you are allowed, as a last resort, to sever the relationship with your Kinship. If for example your relative commits a major sin, you advised them to stop and they did not listen, then you felt by severing them they might stop, in such case breaking the ties is allowed.

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